The Battle Continues...

So this whole derby thing is giving me a new outlook on some of my faults. One of my strengths in life...determination...also can be one of my biggest faults. When I set out to do something it is with blind determination. I will let nothing stop me from pushing myself to attain what I want, such as kicking ass on the flat track. Now to the average person they may see this as a giant positive, but remember my friend most poison is sweet. With this determination also comes stubborn will and the worst critic that lives deep in the core of your subconscious. This little bitch will at times over rule most rational thinking and can really be a pain in the ass. She is constantly driving you past pain you should be listening to instead of this tramps loud mouth, but giving into the dark side of determination, you take her harsh words in and silence those of reason. Gradually the pain increase its desperate call for help to a vicious cry, only causing the harpee inside to screech her words that push you to ignore all others.

 

I have realized this weekend that I have been letting the critic inside be my sole motivator, pushing me to push myself when maybe I should be not pushing so hard. I am all over the "push through the pain" philosophy, and unfortunately sometimes too much. Example...last Tuesday I found myself with an ocular migraine causing great nausea and motion sickness, now I easily could have skipped practice, like most would, but that little bitch deep inside wouldn't let me. "Really you are going to stay home? I thought you were cut out for derby but if you are going to just puss out at the first discomfort what's the point. Buck up you are never going to get better if you don't push through it." I went to practice...and mind you it was my best practice yet, but it also was the hardest. I did get to know my pal Paully the Pole very well, and was stoked about last man standing, but at the same time it probably would have been smart to stay home. Lately I have also been pushing myself through some back pain...which yes I know everyone has but this is something new, and after a hard fall. I was ignoring it listening to the little voice, "Push through it your back will strengthen up and it will go away." Well after three weeks and it to the point where I can not even skate 2 minutes without the intense pressure on my tailbone I am beginning to wonder if the little snide voice knows what she is talking about. I was asked this weekend why I have not gone in to the doctor over this...well that has two answers. First, I generally don't like doctor's visits since I see it as a sign of weakness....mainly due to Little Miss Critic Whore that lives inside me noggin...Second, what if I am told I can't skate for a bit, ummm I need all the skate time I can get or I will suck for ever...see where this cute little drive of determination can turn into a monster?

 

So as much as I don't want to seem too weak, and not tough enough, I have realized that I need to take care of this ragged body before it is hurt beyond repair. No matter what that skanky bitch inside me says, I know I am one bad ass female who is neither weak or a wimp! I will become a derby bad ass, but I might have a few set backs, but those things only make you stronger.

Oh The Convience of Technology

So as I looked at my blog this morning...yeah your right I was looking for some sense of need by seeing if anyone bothered to comment or follow me...Hey! just shut your mouth like you never have those moments of self doubt and hunger for acceptance. Okay back on track, as I was looking at my "dashboard" I discovered how to set up to post through your email...SWEET!

Now I know you are all wondering, and by "you all" I mean you Tiny and maybe if I am lucky the one other person that migh read this, why is this such a jump up and down like you are five and it is Christmas morning moment...duh! this means that while I am at work I can happily blog away and it will look like I am sending out a document that will save the hospital from MRSA disaster! This means while I am sitting at my desk...wishing I was at home...at the warehouse..at the movies...pretty much anywhere but here and I am reflecting on my derby passion, which is most of the time, I am sure one of these day my co-workers are going to demand no more derby speak from me...yep your right that really won't stop me...I can just blog away on my email and click "send" postin it!!! So expect more rambling....MUAHAHAH

This is a Test

...of the email blogging post system. This is just a test....I repeat this is just a test.

The Little Derby Gurl That Could

So I started this misadventure with not so many skills but with the heart of a roller derby vixen. As I squatted into derby position I could barely keep my shaky legs upright hold my exhausted pilsbury figure up. Over the last few weeks I have been working on increasing my skills, and must say after my practice last night feel very accomplished! Those who know me know that fear never really is used as an adjective to describe anything having to do with me, which I have learned is a very high priority on ones personal qualities when it comes to the craziess of derby. Last night I had the pleasure of skating with some girls that challenged me....and I can't be happier about it. I was low chick on the skill scale but want to say the passion I had pumping through my racing heart threw me off the scale. I had the disadvantage of having a horrendous headache causing vomit and dizziness, but the unrational part of my pea brain said, "Don't be a pussy because you have one, get up there and skate!" That my friends is what I did!!
I have to say derby has not become a hobby of mine but a poison flowing through my veins, causing moments of euphoria that is orgasmic. The beginning of this journey was filled with doubt....doubt on my ability....this has changed into deterination! I know that one day I will race around that track taking all out who get in the way of my teams win!! Ruby Dread is a force to fear because pure passion my friends conquers all!

Please Make It Stop

So in the last two weeks I have gotten a lot more comfortable on my skates and have found myself more on 8 wheels than on concrete. Now my biggest struggle is the T-stop. It seems to appear so easy when I see others do it, but when I attempt it my ass wants to mate with the ground. So I am challenging myself this week to conquer the T-stop!!!!

So Comes a New Chapter in Life's Saga

I have recently decided to follow a dream I have had since I was a wee girl in the rainy Northwest...join roller derby. Now granted most might think it is redunkulous to do something like this at my age and physical condition...but to them I say so fucking what! Yes I may be approaching 40 in a couple years....and sure I am medically considered obese....but what a better way to relieve the stress of age and loose the blubber that makes my self cringe as I get in the shower every day.
What I ask is wrong with living a dream? No matter what age, is it not your duty to fulfill those dreams and ambitions you had no matter how old you may be? And yes I am not a size 4 but does that mean it is wrong for me to have passion and want to work at something that will shed those added pounds away?
It has only been a couple weeks....and I have been hurting, but I love it and can not wait until I reach the requirement to bout!!! This is going to be  a long hard road ahead of me...let's face it I am coming to the table out of shape and with little ability. But let me tell you I am going to give it my all to rise to be the best ass kicking derby I can be!!! I know that I am going to have to have patience with myself...as I tend to push myself beyond my body's strengths then pay the price...and when I feel discouraged I am going to look at what I am doing and what I will accomplish. This is the beginning of something awesome in my life! For the first time in ages I have found something that motivates me and brings for a passion like no other.
So here is where I take my first steps toward being a fit powerhouse on eight wheel!!!!!